The Korean War….No, Not That One

By the 1860’s, most of the world had been opened to trade by the developed western nations, either via diplomacy or force.  However, numerous countries in east Asia continued to resist by setting up strict isolationist policies.  The leaders of these countries had watched India and southeast Asia get swallowed up by the great western colonial empires and so understandably had little interest in so-called offers of friendship.  Into this world blundered the United States.  Fresh off of a successful opening of trade relations with Japan in 1855, by which I mean U.S. naval ships just kind of showed up with a bunch of guns and their proverbial dicks wagging all about, the American government was pretty sure it could do it again in the little understood nation of Korea.  At the time, Korea was ruled by an emperor of the Joseon dynasty, a group that had ruled the peninsula for over 450 years.  Having watched the strong-arming of the Chinese and Japanese over the preceding decades, the Joseon were less than cool with the idea of opening themselves up to such shenanigans.  While they did have a policy of returning shipwrecked sailors unharmed, their overall dictum was to pretty much pretend the rest of the world didn’t exist and to refuse to talk to anyone that wasn’t Korean.   

This was less than acceptable to American traders, many of whom supposed that Korea must be hiding some pretty cool shit, because why else wouldn’t they allow anyone to just root around through their things.  Tiring of such shit, in 1866 a group of these traders boarded an armed merchantman named the General Sherman to force the issue.  The General Sherman arrived at Korea uninvited and anchored near one of its largest cities.  The Koreans, less than happy with this, ordered them to leave, to which the traders responded by taking hostages and firing cannonballs randomly into the city.  What followed was a four day battle which ended with the General Sherman getting blown the fuck up and all of its crew getting killed.  

Fast forward five years to 1871, and the U.S. was ready to try it again.  However, this time instead of a random group of merchants, they sent five U.S. Navy warships and some 650 sailors and marines.  The timing was probably not all that great.  The whole General Sherman thing had been followed a few months later by an attack by the French navy over the murder of a couple of Catholic missionaries who had been in Korea illegally.  So sufficed to say, the Koreans had really doubled down on the whole isolationism thing.  When the U.S. naval expedition arrived, they landed a small group of marines at the mouth of the Han River, which led directly to Korea's capital of Seoul.  There they met with local officials, who seemed amicable to the idea of the Americans sailing upriver towards Seoul.  In actuality, the officials had old them to go the fuck away, but this message was mistranslated, because when it comes to misunderstandings history works exactly like a romantic comedy.  When the U.S. warships started sailing up the river the Koreans freaked the hell out and started firing cannons at them from numerous forts on the shoreline.  Put off by the whole thing, the Americans retreated and then sent a demand that the Koreans apologize for the incident within ten days.  The Koreans, feeling like they were owed an apology, refused.  

The U.S. responded by attacking and destroying one fort after another, which wasn’t that hard given that the Korean defenders were armed with matchlock muskets and old school cannons, while the marines had repeating rifles and modern artillery.  Isolationism has its drawbacks.  In just fifteen minutes the Americans destroyed five forts and killed 243 Korean soldiers, only losing three marines in the process.  The Koreans responded by refusing to negotiate, leaving the Americans in the awkward position of either blowing up everything or leaving.  When the Americans offered to return prisoners they had taken in hopes of enticing talks, the Koreans politely told them it was okay to execute the prisoners since they were all cowards.  Out of options, the U.S. expedition hung out for about a month, and then dejectedly set sail for home.    

Though Korea won the day, the ease by which the U.S. beat the shit out of them made it apparent to the Joseon emperor that Korea couldn't stay isolationist forever.  In 1876, Korea opened trade with Japan, followed by the U.S. in 1882 and Britain in 1885.  However, over time Korea increasingly fell under Japan's power, eventually being fully annexed by its more powerful neighbor in 1910.       

Image: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyrus_Hayden#/media/File:1871sujagi.jpg                   

A Little Something About Guns

In 1871, the United States was still reeling from the wanton destruction of the Civil War, which having ended only six years prior, was still pretty front and center in people's minds.  One of the things that most troubled the grizzled and undoubtedly untreated PTSD suffering veterans was why the war had dragged on as long as it did.  Into this breach charged a lawyer, a newspaper publisher, and a general better known for his facial hair than his strategic genius named Ambrose Burnside.  After lots of drinking brandy and letting loose with healthy guffaws, these luminaries decided the problem was that the squirrel hunting southerners were just plain more familiar with guns than their more urban northern counterparts.  Recognizing that people were increasingly moving into cities, which are notably lacking in good hunting grounds, it was decided that providing training in firearms was imperative to the national defense, you know, in case of another war.  Thus was born the National Rifleman's Association (NRA).   

Now the NRA of this early day and age was nothing like it is today, mostly because at the time people saw the Second Amendment and the idea of gun rights very differently.  For most of the nation's history, the Second Amendment was mostly seen as having nothing to do with individuals, but rather just the right of each state to have its own militia.  Historically, each state funded and armed its own militia, which remained under the control of the states’ governments, often even during times of war.  However, this changed in 1933, when the federal government created the National Guard, effectively taking control of the state militias.  For its part, the NRA was mostly focused on education throughout this early period.  It only started to venture into politics starting in the 1920's and 1930's, at which time it came out in support of more restrictive gun laws when it came to handguns and other firearms.  Laws like permits for concealed weapons, mandatory waiting periods, gun sale records, registration by gun sellers and owners, and banning felons from having guns were all wholeheartedly endorsed by the organization.  

Fast forward to the 1960’s, and things began to change.  One of the first people to advocate the idea that the Second Amendment meant everyone had the right to pack a gun was Malcolm X, the famed militant civil rights leader.  According to Malcolm X's way of thinking, if white people and police carried guns and hurt black people, then black people sure as hell had the right to carry guns and defend themselves.  Unfortunately for Malcolm X, soon after breaking away from the more militant wing of the civil rights movement he was assassinated by them in 1965.  However, his views on blacks arming themselves was soon after taken up by the Black Panthers, another militant civil rights group whose members, aside from doing a literal shit ton of charity work, also tended to follow around police while openly carrying guns in order to dissuade police violence. 

Well, it goes without saying given that this was the 1960's that white people freaked right the fuck out.  So much so that they pushed California to pass the Mulford Act, which banned the carrying of loaded weapons in public.  The Black Panthers tried to lobby against the act by showing up at the statehouse armed to the teeth, which as one can imagine, did little to nothing to help.  This in turn led to numerous other states passing similar laws, culminating in the passage of the Gun Control Act of 1968, which greatly restricted who could have a gun and how guns were sold in in the United States. 

All of these pieces of legislation were fully endorsed by the NRA.  However, a growing radical group within the organization was less than pleased with the increasing tight rules regarding guns.  Led by Harlon Carter, a man who had gotten away with murder on a technicality, these hardliners increasingly gained influence within the group.  The NRA leadership tried to counter by firing employees loyal to Carter and disengaging completely from politics, but Carter and his followers outmaneuvered them and in a single meeting in 1977 not only took control of the NRA, but also completely changed its mission to one of lobbying against all forms of gun control.  In 1980, the group endorsed its first presidential candidate, Ronald Reagan, the same man who had signed the Mulford Act into law while governor in California.  

From there we all know the story.  Over the next several decades the NRA tripled its membership, climbed into bed with the gun industry, and became one of the most powerful lobbying groups in the country.  Up until the reformation of the NRA, the Supreme Court had only heard around four cases regarding the Second Amendment, in all of which it affirmed the idea that the amendment only applied to state militias.  This all changed in 2008 when the Supreme Court heard the case District of Columbia v. Heller, ruling for the first time that the Second Amendment guaranteed the right of all individuals to carry guns.  Since then, two more cases have followed, reaffirming and strengthening this ruling.  Hence was created the world we live in today.         

Image: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:National_Rifle_Association_of_America_logo.png

Lord Have Mercy

Tuberculosis, called consumption at the time, was one of the great scourges of the 19th century.  Caused by a vile little bacteria, it killed millions of people per year, and despite the invention of antibiotics, continues to do so in the developing world to this day.  It's basically the blue ribbon of diseases as far as symptoms go.  Chronic bloody coughing, fever, night sweats, and steady decline in weight and body condition, sometimes over years, until death finally occurs.  So you know, a fun time for anyone who’s lucky enough to catch it.  Tuberculosis has been around since ancient times, but it wasn't until we all got crammed together in cities that it really started to take hold.  

The Brown family of Exeter, Rhode Island had especially bad luck when it came to tuberculosis.  George and Mary Brown were pretty average parents for the period in that they had a bunch of kids and lived on a farm.  Unfortunately, despite all this clean family living, one by one the family members contracted tuberculosis and died.  The first to go was the mother Mary.  She was followed by her daughter Mary Olive three years later, and then by her daughter Mercy four years after that.  Now this probably sounds pretty bad, but unfortunately for old George Brown the tragedy train was still chugging.  Soon after Mercy's death, another child, this one a boy named Edwin, also fell ill to the point that it was thought that he didn't have long to live.  Already grieving for three family members, and soon to lose a fourth, it undoubtedly came as a surprise for George when his friends and neighbors came over, led by the local doctor no less, with the news that they were going to have to dig up the dead bodies of his kin.   

Now one would assume that a group of concerned townspeople led by a doctor would have a pretty damn good reason for wanting to dig up some dead bodies.  They did, at least in their minds, because they were convinced that one of the dead Browns was probably a vampire.  You see, back during the 19th century nobody really knew what caused tuberculosis, so for whatever reason, a large number of people living in New England decided that it had to be caused by vampires.  It was widely believed that if multiple people in a family died of tuberculosis then one of the dead was likely a vampire, magically feeding on the living to sustain itself.  

As one can imagine, old George was less than thrilled with this idea, but after his neighbors threatened to beat his sorry ass, he gave in and let them dig up his wife and children.  Now of course digging up dead bodies is a real pain in the ass, especially in the middle of a New England winter.  However, luckily, one of the family members, Mercy, hadn’t been buried yet, because again, it was the middle of the fucking winter.  Mercy’s body and coffin were in the barn, waiting for the ground to thaw.  When Mercy’s coffin was opened, her body was found to be in pristine condition, which most definitely meant that she was probably a vampire, and you know, probably had nothing to do with the fact that, again, it was the middle of the god damn winter.  To further support the vampire theory, some witnesses reported that the body had moved from its original position, which most definitely had nothing to do with a bunch of crazy townspeople jostling the shit out of it.  The final piece of proof was the fact that fresh blood was discovered when they cut open her heart and liver.  Again, months on end of freezing fucking temperatures.  Regardless of any kind of common sense, the townsfolk were convinced that they had all the proof they needed that Mercy was totally a fucking vampire.  

Luckily, the villagers knew exactly what to do.  There was a whole bunch of different treatments, ranging from turning the body over onto its stomach to cutting off the vampire’s head.  In this case, the villagers opted with the tried and true method of cutting out the vampire's heart and burning it.  George wasn't so hot on this idea, but several neighbors came forward and suddenly remembered seeing Mercy walking around the graveyard at night.  Again, not wanting an ass beating, George acquiesced.  The villagers burned Mercy's heart to ashes and then mixed the ashes in a glass of water.  They then forced poor sick Edwin to drink the water and ashes, since obviously that's the only way to cure tuberculosis.  Edwin died two months later.  For his part, George stayed in Exeter until he died thirty years later, which had to be kind of awkward.  It’s probably also worth mentioning that this all happened in 1892.  

Image: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Believe_in_Vampires.png