The Man Who Didn't Need Any Bullshit

Fritz Haber was a Jewish man who was born in the mid-nineteenth century.  If you have no idea what any of this is about, you should probably go back and read the preceding article.  Anyways, Fritz's father, Seigfried, was a merchant who sold dyes and paints, and also pharmaceuticals for some god unknown reason, because who the hell wouldn't buy medicine from the guy also selling you the paint to slap on your house?  Fritz's mother was a woman named Paula, who was also Siegfried's first cousin.  This was heavily frowned upon by the Haber family.  At that time in Germany, fucking your first cousin was considered an absolute necessary for the aristocracy, and a common regrettable reality for the poor, but it was just not something those in the middle class were supposed to be doing.  Either way, Fritz had a fairy normal childhood for the time, including the premature death of his mother.  As far as being Jewish in Germany went, it was about one of the best of times to be alive, with the country generally just accepting that Jews were people like everybody else.  Crazy, I know.  Wanting his son to be as educated as possible, Siegfried sent Fritz to top colleges in Berlin to study chemistry, though perhaps it was just part of a scheme to get the boy to develop new paints/medicines for him to sell.  Whatever the reason, Fritz excelled in school, eventually graduating with his doctorate.  While he did work with his father for a time, the two did not get along, and eventually Fritz took a job with a university.        

Now at the time, as those who read the preceding article would now, the scientific community was trumpeting warnings that the world was soon to end.  Growing populations were soon expected to outpace the world's ability to produce food, and nothing but dire consequences were expected.  One of the biggest things holding farmers back from growing more food was the availability of nitrogen in their soils, a problem farmers mostly met by spreading bird and bat shit, called guano, on their fields.  However, by the start of the twentieth century, the demand for guano was far outstripping the ability of birds and bats to shit it out.

Now of course the world had no shortage of nitrogen.  After all, 74% of the frickin atmosphere was made up of it.  The problem was how the hell does one get nitrogen gas into the soil?  Nitrogen was a tricky element, its molecules tended to like to stick together, making converting from a gas to anything else tricky as shit.  Frtiz, being an especially stubborn fellow, spent seventeen years working on the problem, eventually developing the Haber Process in 1913, which used high pressure and temperature to convert nitrogen and hydrogen into ammonia, a liquid that could be put on fields.  The invention of the Haber process effectively made nitrogen fertilizer an unlimited resource, depending upon the price of energy, which in turn allowed the human race to avoid mass starvation and create the world we know today.  

Unfortunately, this is where Fritz's story kind of goes off the rails.  The next year World War I broke out with all of Europe descending into chaos.  Aside from being a great scientist, Fritz also considered himself a German patriot.  Putting aside his efforts to better the world, he switched over to helping Germany win the war.  His first great contribution was to show how the Ammonia created by his Haber Process, while good for making fertilizer, also could be used to make explosives, thus allowing Germany to build munitions even though its ports were blockaded.  His second great contribution was the development of poison gas for the war.  Despite the disapproval of military generals, Fritz convinced Germany's leaders to use poison gas in the trenches.  He personally attended the first use of poison gas in a battle, and reportedly got such a patriotic boner over the whole thing that he soon after held a party at his home to celebrate.  His wife, also a well known chemist, less than pleased with the nightmare her husband had unleashed, shot herself that very night.  Unbothered, Fritz left a few days later to oversee further poison gas attacks.  

After the war, in 1919, Fritz received the Nobel Prize in chemistry for the invention of the Haber Process, a controversial choice given the fact that he had created one of the most horrifying weapons in history.  Unfazed, Fritz was put in charge of a scientific institute and began trying to figure out a way to make gold out of sea water in order to pay off the reparations Germany was forced to make after the war.  While there are trace amounts of gold in ocean water, they are quite small and almost impossible to separate from other elements.  His work failed, and ultimately, being a Jew, he was forced to resign as head of his institute and flee from Germany when the Nazis took control of the country in 1933.  Not being the favorite of anybody, what with the whole poison gas thing, Fritz spent the next year traveling from one country to the next across Europe.  This couch surfing ruined his health and he died in 1934.

However, even dead, Fritz still had one last terrible thing to add to his legacy.  One of the last projects that Fritz oversaw as the head of his institute was the creation of a pesticide for killing insects in granaries called Zyklon A.  The Nazi's later took this pesticide, removed the harsh smell meant to warn people that it was a poisonous gas, renamed it Zyklon B, and used it in the gas chambers in their death camps.  So yeah......shit. 

Image: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/December_1918#/media/File:Fritz_Haber.png

Synthetic Shit

By the time the mid-19th century rolled around, many of the great thinkers of the day began fearing that the end was near.  Thanks to the advent of modern science, the world's population had topped one billion people for the first time.  However, the understanding of how the world worked had also grown to the point that those who did the math began to predict that it wouldn't be long until farms could no longer keep up with the growing demand for food.  Basically, the amount of certain needed nutrients in the soil was limited, chief amongst them being nitrogen.  

Now throughout most of history, nitrogen got into the soil via the creatively named nitrogen cycle, whereas various bacteria fixed nitrogen from the atmosphere and rotting dead plants and animals in the ground, which then became available for plants to use.  From the age of the earliest civilizations, this natural process was aided by farmers via the application of livestock shit directly onto fields.  However, shit also contained a lot of salt, meaning it could damage the soil if too much was put on at a time, and by the 19th century the demand for food was growing beyond the yields which shit could provide.  

In the early 1800's it was discovered that certain types of bird and bat shit, called guano by the classy, had amounts of concentrated nitrogen far above that of the livestock shit, with much less salt, meaning guano could be used to greatly boost crop yields.  As a result, by mid-century these deposits, which were mostly on scattered islands near the equator, were quickly being claimed by any nation that had the power to do so.  The super shit that was guano allowed food production to keep up with population growth through the end of the century, making many individuals, and several countries, fabulously wealthy.  Of course, as goes with anything like this, there were all sorts of human rights abuses and even two separate wars in South America over guano deposits.  

When the mining of guano began, many of the islands had piles of shit on them more than 150 feet deep, with birds and bats continually working to replenish them even as they were mined.  However, by the start of the 20th century, the scientists of the world again came to the conclusion that the end was near.  Guano deposits were beginning to run low, and new sources of mineralized nitrogen found in Chile's Atacama Desert would not be enough to both make up the difference and the growing demand.  It was at this time that a German scientist by the name of Fritz Haber entered the scene.

For the scientific world, the global food problem had a simple answer.  They just needed to get their hands on more nitrogen somehow to boost yields.  This problem was especially maddening given that 74% of the frickin atmosphere was nitrogen, but it was inaccessible due to it being a gas and a bunch of other issues involving chemistry.  It was Fritz Haber who came up with the answer in 1909.  Haber, being one smart schmuck, figured out a method to harvest nitrogen from the atmosphere by putting it at a high pressure and temperature in a steel tank and then injecting hydrogen.  The resulting chemical reaction created liquid ammonia, known as nitrogen trihydride by sciency folks, which made for a perfect fertilizer.  

Haber's method, which became known as the Haber Process, was seen as nothing less than a god damn miracle.  No longer were humans constrained by the natural nitrogen cycle.  For the first time they could make as much nitrogen fertilizer as they could ever need.  Over the proceeding decades, billions of tons of nitrogen fertilizer were produced, allowing significant increases in crop yields, which in turn allowed the human population to reach 7 billion and beyond without the ever present threat of mass starvation.  While the increased use of nitrogen fertilizers has undoubtedly caused issues for the natural world, it is undeniable that our society today only exists because of them.  So, there you go, magically sucking fertilizer out of the air.  One of the greatest inventions of all time.     

Image: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:DefecatingSeagull.jpg

Pineapple

In 1493, good old asshat of all trades Chris Columbus set sale on his second voyage to the New World.  Though still refusing to believe he hadn't sailed to India, he did land on a small island called Guadeloupe and discovered the most amazing of fruits that was so golden and sweet that he and his crew became totally enraptured by it.  Now this magical fruit probably already had a perfectly good name, but not being that kind of guy, Columbus said fuck it and started calling it the pineapple.  You know, because it kind of looked like a pine cone, and it was sweet, and apples are sweet, just in a different way, but fuck it, why the hell not.  When Columbus returned home, he and his men loaded as many pineapples as they could, stuffing them in amongst all the other things they were bringing back, including 560 less than happy natives.  Unfortunately, the pineapples didn't fare well, what with the ships' holds being both moist and hot as hell, resulting in a less than optimal amount of rot.  However, Columbus, being a bit of a gambler, still presented his rotten bounty to the Spanish royal court, who declared the fruit the most delicious fucking thing they had ever eaten.  Oh yeah, 200 of the enslaved natives died on the voyage as well, and most of the rest soon after, but we're talking about pineapples right now, so you know, why spoil things by mentioning that.  

Anyways, people in Spain were totally nuts about the pineapple, by which I mean the monarchy and the super rich, since they were the only ones that could afford them.  It was a real bitch getting pineapples across the Atlantic, and only the fastest ships with the luckiest captains had any chance of getting the fruit back to Europe in time.  As more European powers made claims to the Caribbean, the popularity of the pineapple spread across the continent.  This was pretty much how everything stayed for the next two hundred years, mostly because when your wealth stems from the fact that you were just born lucky, maintaining the status quo seems a little more important than innovation.  

As the seventeenth century began to come to a close, the Dutch began to dominate world trade, and more specifically the Caribbean.  This is an interesting factoid given how small the Netherlands was, but it had a bit of a leg up given that it was one of the first capitalistic societies in the world, where if you had a good idea you were allowed to run with it until either you were flat broke or fabulously wealthy.  Since new money loved ridiculously expensive things just as much as the old aristocracy, some of these Dutch capitalists began working on the pineapple problem.  The first breakthrough by these sweet toothed pioneers was to bring unripened pineapples over, and then ripening them in special rooms with controlled heat and humidity.  Feeling they were on the right track, but not quite there, they then developed a way to grow them in Europe in specially designed hothouses.  This brought the price down to around $8,000 (in today's money).

Suddenly affordable for the rich, rather than just the we fucking have all the money rich, the pineapple became a popular sign of wealth across Europe.  People would buy a pineapple to use as a centerpiece at their fancy dinner parties, or even just to carry around to show off.  For those who couldn't afford to outright buy a pineapple, merchants were willing to rent them for the night.  Such rental pineapples would pass from hand to hand over the course of days before finally being sold to a final buyer who would end up eating the damn thing right before it became too rotten.  Those who couldn't even afford a pineapple rental, purchased fake pineapples, which undoubtedly resulted in all sorts of embarrassing shenanigans.  Over time, the pineapple began to symbolize generosity and hospitality.  The golden fruit began to appear across all art mediums, and many homes were decorated with as many pineapple motifs as possible.  Dishes, napkins, bedposts, wallpapers, and teapots; all were either covered in pineapples or made to look like them.  Even buildings were built to look like pineapples.

The advent of refrigeration and canning during the 19th century further brought down the price of pineapples, but it didn't become the common food we all know today until James Dole started his pineapple plantation in Hawaii in 1900.  Using a combination of mechanization, importing foreign workers, and paying people shitty wages, Dole managed to bring the price of canned pineapple to a record low, driving the competition out of business and claiming 75% of the pineapple trade.  To promote his product, he launched the first nationwide consumer advertising campaign in the U.S.  In 1927, he sponsored the Dole Air Race, promising a sizable sum to the first pilot daring enough to fly from Oakland to Honolulu.  Though ten people died, two planes managed to make it, proving that such a flight could be made.  Soon after, Dole began shipping via airplane.

Hawaii remained the center of the pineapple trade until the 1990's, when people began to figure out that they could just pay people shitty wages in their home countries rather than shipping them to Hawaii.  Today, most pineapples are grown in Costa Rica, Brazil, the Philippines, Thailand, India, and Indonesia.  You can buy one for five bucks, or even less, you know, if it's on sale.          

Image: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:The_Pineapple,_the_north_front,_showing_the_entrance_and_adjoining_accommodation_-_geograph.org.uk_-_499058.jpg