The Trail of Tears

By the start of the 1820’s, the old native tribes of New England and the Midwest had largely been scattered and driven westward across the Mississippi.  Having allied themselves with the British in the American Revolution and the War of 1812, they found few supporters to help them resist the growing encroachment of European settlers upon their lands.  Seeing the fate of their northern brethren, the five main tribes in the southeast; the Cherokee, Choctaw, Creek, Chickasaw, and Seminole; instead mostly chose a route of assimilation.  Through a series of treaties, they established independent territories within the United States.  In return, members of the tribes converted to Christianity, formed centralized governments, and shifted their way of life to more closely match that of their new European neighbors, including the owning of slaves.  Unfortunately, these attempts did little to slow the progress of European settlers, who were eager to claim new lands for settlement.  As a result, both the Creek and the Seminole fought against the Americans, a decision that led to both tribes being forced to sign treaties surrendering wide swaths of territory.  Unfortunately, the opening of these newly captured lands for European settlement only increased the tensions between the tribes and their new neighbors, creating a rift between the government of the U.S. and the newly made southeastern states. Tensions were only exacerbated when gold was discovered on Cherokee lands in 1828.

That same year, Andrew Jackson was elected president.  Jackson had led troops in the Creek and Seminole wars, both of which he largely spent tied to his horse and shitting his pants.  Jackson had long been a proponent of moving the southeastern tribes westward, though not necessarily out of a sense of hostility towards the tribes.  In Jackson’s view, the tensions between the states and the tribes would continue to grow, eventually leading to a conflict that the tribes would undoubtedly lose due to their smaller numbers.  If the federal government tried to intervene on the behalf of the tribes, there was a risk that federal troops would have to fight the state militias, which may cause a civil war.  In Jackson’s opinion, it was better to remove the tribes to federal lands west of the Mississippi where they would be left alone and no longer in conflict with hostile state governments.  In order to do this, Jackson pushed the controversial Indian Removal Act through Congress in 1830, which gave him the ability to negotiate with tribes for their removal westward.

The Choctaw nation, centered in central Mississippi, was the first group to agree to the removal.  Though reluctant to do so, the Choctaw were convinced it was in their best interest to make the trade.  Starting in 1831, some 17,000 Choctaw made the journey, leaving in November so they could plant crops in the spring.  Though initially well supplied by the government, a much more severe than expected winter and an outbreak of cholera killed some 4,500 people.  It was a disastrous start, which caused the other tribes to resist attempts to get them to voluntarily move.  Similar to the Choctaw, the Chickasaw, who lived in northern Mississippi, reluctantly signed a treaty agreeing to removal in 1832.  However, the decision was more contentious, and it took years for the removal to begin.  The Chickasaw finally moved west in 1837.  Of the 3,000 who made the journey, some 500 died.  The Creek, who lived in central Alabama, were also forced to sign a treaty agreeing to the removal in 1832.  However, they largely chose to remain, putting them in increasing conflict with encroaching settlers and the state militia.  This eventually led to the outbreak of some violence in 1836, which the U.S. government used as an excuse to forcefully remove the Creek that same year.  Under military escort, some 15,000 Creek moved westward.  An estimated 3,500 died along the way.

Negotiations with the Seminole did not go as well as the other tribes.  Though a few agreed to the idea of relocation, most refused to budge, preferring to take refuge in the Floridan Everglades.  This resulted in a war which was fought from 1835 to 1842.  Bolstered by freed slaves, some 3,000 Seminoles fought against a U.S. military expedition that eventually reached 40,000 in number.  Though around a thousand or more were eventually relocated westward, the remainder fought on until the American government eventually gave up on the war, leaving the few hundred members of the tribe left to live as they wished in the swamps.

The last tribe to be removed were the Cherokee.  The Cherokee were split on the idea of removal, though most were not in favor.  Negotiations between the Cherokee and the U.S. stretched on for years.  In 1835, the U.S. signed a treaty with the pro-removal faction of the Cherokee, claiming that they represented the entire nation.  Over the next several years, some 2,000 Cherokee voluntarily moved west, but the remaining 16,000 Cherokee refused to budge.  This was the plate of hot shit Martin Van Buren was left with when he became president in 1837.  Deciding not to put up with any further delays, Van Buren sent in the U.S. Army in the spring of 1838 and forcefully moved the Cherokee to internment camps where disease ran rampant.  The Cherokee were kept in these camps until the fall of 1838, when agreeing to stop resisting, they were allowed to make their way westward.  Severe winter weather caused further death on the journey.  In total, some 4,000 Cherokee died in the removal.

In the proceeding decades many more tribes were removed to what became known as the Indian Territory from across the Midwest, Great Plains, and Southwest. Eventually large amounts of this land was seized by the U.S. government in 1887, which then in turn opened up large amounts of it to white settlement.  Today we call it Oklahoma.

Image: https://www.nps.gov/teachers/classrooms/cherokee-people-elementary-lesson.htm

Sex Cults and Silverware

By the start of the 1820’s, the old native tribes of New England and the Midwest had largely been scattered and driven westward across the Mississippi.  Having allied themselves with the British in the American Revolution and the War of 1812, they found few supporters to help them resist the growing encroachment of European settlers upon their lands.  Seeing the fate of their northern brethren, the five main tribes in the southeast; the Cherokee, Choctaw, Creek, Chickasaw, and Seminole; instead mostly chose a route of assimilation.  Through a series of treaties, they established independent territories within the United States.  In return, members of the tribes converted to Christianity, formed centralized governments, and shifted their way of life to more closely match that of their new European neighbors, including the owning of slaves.  Unfortunately, these attempts did little to slow the progress of European settlers, who were eager to claim new lands for settlement.  As a result, both the Creek and the Seminole fought against the Americans, a decision that led to both tribes being forced to sign treaties surrendering wide swaths of territory.  Unfortunately, the opening of these newly captured lands for European settlement only increased the tensions between the tribes and their new neighbors, creating a rift between the government of the U.S. and the newly made southeastern states. Tensions were only exacerbated when gold was discovered on Cherokee lands in 1828.

That same year, Andrew Jackson was elected president.  Jackson had led troops in the Creek and Seminole wars, both of which he largely spent tied to his horse and shitting his pants.  Jackson had long been a proponent of moving the southeastern tribes westward, though not necessarily out of a sense of hostility towards the tribes.  In Jackson’s view, the tensions between the states and the tribes would continue to grow, eventually leading to a conflict that the tribes would undoubtedly lose due to their smaller numbers.  If the federal government tried to intervene on the behalf of the tribes, there was a risk that federal troops would have to fight the state militias, which may cause a civil war.  In Jackson’s opinion, it was better to remove the tribes to federal lands west of the Mississippi where they would be left alone and no longer in conflict with hostile state governments.  In order to do this, Jackson pushed the controversial Indian Removal Act through Congress in 1830, which gave him the ability to negotiate with tribes for their removal westward.

The Choctaw nation, centered in central Mississippi, was the first group to agree to the removal.  Though reluctant to do so, the Choctaw were convinced it was in their best interest to make the trade.  Starting in 1831, some 17,000 Choctaw made the journey, leaving in November so they could plant crops in the spring.  Though initially well supplied by the government, a much more severe than expected winter and an outbreak of cholera killed some 4,500 people.  It was a disastrous start, which caused the other tribes to resist attempts to get them to voluntarily move.  Similar to the Choctaw, the Chickasaw, who lived in northern Mississippi, reluctantly signed a treaty agreeing to removal in 1832.  However, the decision was more contentious, and it took years for the removal to begin.  The Chickasaw finally moved west in 1837.  Of the 3,000 who made the journey, some 500 died.  The Creek, who lived in central Alabama, were also forced to sign a treaty agreeing to the removal in 1832.  However, they largely chose to remain, putting them in increasing conflict with encroaching settlers and the state militia.  This eventually led to the outbreak of some violence in 1836, which the U.S. government used as an excuse to forcefully remove the Creek that same year.  Under military escort, some 15,000 Creek moved westward.  An estimated 3,500 died along the way.

Negotiations with the Seminole did not go as well as the other tribes.  Though a few agreed to the idea of relocation, most refused to budge, preferring to take refuge in the Floridan Everglades.  This resulted in a war which was fought from 1835 to 1842.  Bolstered by freed slaves, some 3,000 Seminoles fought against a U.S. military expedition that eventually reached 40,000 in number.  Though around a thousand or more were eventually relocated westward, the remainder fought on until the American government eventually gave up on the war, leaving the few hundred members of the tribe left to live as they wished in the swamps.

The last tribe to be removed were the Cherokee.  The Cherokee were split on the idea of removal, though most were not in favor.  Negotiations between the Cherokee and the U.S. stretched on for years.  In 1835, the U.S. signed a treaty with the pro-removal faction of the Cherokee, claiming that they represented the entire nation.  Over the next several years, some 2,000 Cherokee voluntarily moved west, but the remaining 16,000 Cherokee refused to budge.  This was the plate of hot shit Martin Van Buren was left with when he became president in 1837.  Deciding not to put up with any further delays, Van Buren sent in the U.S. Army in the spring of 1838 and forcefully moved the Cherokee to internment camps where disease ran rampant.  The Cherokee were kept in these camps until the fall of 1838, when agreeing to stop resisting, they were allowed to make their way westward.  Severe winter weather caused further death on the journey.  In total, some 4,000 Cherokee died in the removal.

In the proceeding decades many more tribes were removed to what became known as the Indian Territory from across the Midwest, Great Plains, and Southwest. Eventually large amounts of this land was seized by the U.S. government in 1887, which then in turn opened up large amounts of it to white settlement.  Today we call it Oklahoma.

Image: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Formal_Place_Setting.jpg

Three Fifths

By 1780, the Revolutionary War was wrapping up with it being pretty obvious that most likely the British were not going to hold on to what they called the thirteen colonies.  With victory pretty much guaranteed, the thirteen colonies, who now thought of themselves as the thirteen states, decided it was about damn time to set up a federal government in order to guarantee the British had no chance of ever coming back.  What they ended up creating was a states’ rights advocate’s wet dream known as the Articles of Confederation, wherein each state regardless of size had one vote in Congress which had the power to do absolutely diddly-squat.  It worked exactly as well as one might imagine, leaving the federal government broke pretty much immediately.  Since the government having no money is kind of a problem, some of the more centralized thinkers of the day proposed an amendment wherein each state would be taxed according to the value of its real estate.  However, this being the 18th century, a time when such calculations were a huge pain in the ass, the proponents of creating a federal tax soon shifted to the idea that the taxes should be based instead on the number of people in each state, a much easier calculation, or at least it seemed.

Certain things were easy to agree upon.  For instance, all thirteen states agreed that Native Americans were totally not people so should not be counted.  However, where they ran into a problem was how to count slaves.  Now at the time, only three states had ended slavery; Massachusetts, New Hampshire, and Pennsylvania; but overall the southern states had a literal shit ton of slaves compared to the north, around a ratio of 7 to 1.  As a result, the northern states were totally down with the idea of including slaves in the count of population for tax purposes, while the southern states pretty much said no fucking way.  This led to Congress making one of the strangest compromises in history, wherein they decreed that each slave would only be counted as three-fifths of a person.  So yeah, pretty fucked up. However, none of this mattered because enough states decided that the idea of a federal tax was stupid and so the amendment never passed.

The Articles of Confederation continued to be the law of the land over the next decade, during which time the number of states outlawing slavery rose to five with the addition of Connecticut and Rhode Island.  It’s probably worth mentioning that this didn’t mean that slaves were freed, just that any children born after the ban was put into effect wouldn’t be slaves.  The idea was that slaves were property and you couldn’t just take people’s property away, even when said property were god damn human beings.  Again, pretty fucked up. Anyways, eventually the whole mess that was the Articles of Confederation was so close to collapsing that the states agreed that a new government was needed, resulting in it being replaced by the U.S. Constitution in 1789.

Now of course with the Constitution the whole idea of state population is rather important, what with it dictating how many votes each state gets in the House of Representatives and to elect the president.  This of course re-ignited the whole debate on whether or not slaves should be counted.  However, this time the opinions were reversed.  In a rather ironic twist, the southern states, who pretty much thought of slaves as being the same as cattle, wanted the highest law in the land to declare slaves to be people.  At the same time, the northern states, who were waking up to the fact that slaves were totally people, wanted the highest law in the land to view them as property.  So yeah, seriously, super fucked up.  Anyways, the debate over how to count slaves almost completely sank any chance of forming a new government, at least until the old three-fifths compromise was remembered, which was still just as exactly terrible as it was when it was first come up with a decade earlier.

As a result of the three-fifths compromise, the southern states got around a third more presidential electors and seats in the House of Representatives than they otherwise would’ve had.  This allowed them to exert a much greater amount of control in the federal government, including putting in place pro-slavery Supreme Court Justices and ensuring that the number of slave states always remained close to the number of free states, which helped the shitty policy of slavery continue long after the majority of people in the country decided it was fucked up (70% of the non-slave population lived in the free states by 1860).  This unbalance eventually culminated in the shit show known as the U.S. Civil War.  Now one might wonder why the northern states agreed to such a shitty deal.  Well first, they were quite literally afraid of the country ripping itself apart while still in its infancy, something that continually came close to happening over the next 70 years until it actually did happen with the aforementioned war between the states.  Second, while the southern states did get more political power, they also had to agree to the same population counting method if the federal government ever imposed a national tax.  This was favorable to the northern states, many of whom were hoping to see such a national tax enacted.  Spoiler alert, it never was, mostly thanks to the increased political power of the southern states.  So yeah, not the best moment in American history.

Image: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Constitution_of_the_United_States#/media/File:Scene_at_the_Signing_of_the_Constitution_of_the_United_States.jpg