If you really think about it, the Lewis and Clark expedition was basically a bunch of guys who just paddled some boats on a couple of rivers and almost starved to death a few times because they were idiots. Now if you want to talk about a top notch expedition of exploration, then you need to consider Zebulon Pike.
Zeb was a military man who spent most of his early career on the frontier, exploring the headwaters of the Mississippi and whatnot. In 1806, Zeb’s superior office, a chubby bastard named General James Wilkinson, ordered the then 27 year old Zeb to lead an expedition to explore the Red River in the present day states of Kansas, Nebraska, and Colorado, which had recently been acquired via the Louisiana Purchase. It was the usual “draw some maps and make contact with the locals” kind of expedition with a little “why not secretly enter what was then Spanish territory and just look around a bit” thrown in.
Zeb’s first task was to return a bunch of native hostage back to their tribe. This was the only part of the expedition that went well. Soon after, he came upon a group of Spanish explorers, and much like what you did with your high school prom date, decided that it would be best if he just kind of started stalking them for weeks on end. This mostly involved acting casual yet surprised whenever they ran into each other at the mall or while entering native villages as soon as the Spanish left in order to demand that they take down the Spanish flag and hang the U.S. flag up in its place. Again, much like your high school prom date, Zeb eventually got bored with these shenanigans, so instead decided to climb a 14,000 foot mountain for no particular reason. Zeb failed, but they later named the mountain Pike’s Peak in his honor. Today you can drive to the top of this very same mountain in your car. Following the failed and pointless mountain climbing attempts, Zeb and his expedition became hopelessly lost for months, wandering around in a giant circle which ended exactly where it had started. Unperturbed, Zeb then pushed his exhausted and starving men south into Spanish territory, leaving behind anyone who was unable to keep up.
Soon after entering Spanish territory, Zeb and his men were arrested by the Spanish authorities. The Spanish had known the whole time that Zeb was coming because his superior, General Wilkerson, in a convoluted plot to create his own country west of the Mississippi, was secretly a spy for Spain. Zeb and his men, now prisoners, were taken deeper into Mexico where a party was thrown in their honor in every town they passed through, because who doesn’t enjoy a good party? During these celebrations the Spanish authorities made the discovery that Zeb was bumbling idiot, and feeling bad for him, let him go and escorted him back to the United States with full military honors. Most of the rest of the expedition remained imprisoned in Mexico, some not returning to the United States for years.
Following his ill fated expedition, Zeb continued on with his military career, generally fumbling his way from one position to the next. During the War of 1812 he was a part of the U.S. invasion of Canada where he died when a large rock, propelled by an even larger explosion, smashed his head in.
Image: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Lieutenant_Zebulon_M._Pike_-_History_of_Iowa.jpg